Plan B.

Noises new to sea and land.

2010-01-05T23:08:00.003+05:30

We have three TVs. How we came to own three TVs is a thoroughly useless story and must, therefore, be told.

Like most families, we had just the one TV. When purple blotches started to appear on the upper corner of the one TV, another was bought. In a bizarre moment of jealousy, the one TV fearing it's eminent expulsion willed the purple blotches to disappear and we had two TVs that worked great. The third is tiny and was bought on a whim. Raos are extravagant. It's a curse.

The third lives in the kitchen and my grandmother is entertained by the thing while she cooks and performs grandmotherly duties.

I spent my New Year's basking in the white glow of the Tirupati-Thirumala Bhakthi Channel. It's ridiculously entertaining, as the name implies. And it is on 24X7. Well, not really. But I'm digressing.

The TTBC (Tirupati-Thirumala Bhakthi Channel) caters to your every spiritual and social need! And I don't just mean New Year parties. The average day begins thusly, Suprabhatham at the crack of dawn, sung by nasal voice of indeterminate gender. Random Godly affairs are sorted out shortly after and at 9:30 or so is when the birthday messages you, YES YOU, sent in get read out to the world (because it is available on satellite, children) alongside the nauseatingly bad pictures of your baby/niece/nephew/cousin/ex-husband you've attached.

If this didn't entertain you enough. Primetime Sun TV will make you break your own kneecaps in sheer disbelief.

So, Pushpa and Parimala are your average pair of perfectly identical twins. All is well is the sleepy village town of watchamacallit where they live and milk the cows, or so you think - because behind the town's only stationery shop, a murder is being planned. Yes, Jingu the dog must DIE. Prem Kumar, the town's jilted lover is behind this gruesome act. Revenge is sweet, he thinks but the twins know , there is no sweeter revenge than success and the murder of their dog will be just a tiny, ickle little ink drop on the dazzlingly bright silver cloud they are on, having recieved their brick-making degrees that morning. Tomorrow, with Ambujam maami visiting - er. You should really watch it to get it.

This is the modern babysitter. This is knitting, playing outside, stamp collection and parcheesi all rolled into me. The stuff is so bizarre, you just HAVE to look. You can't turn away. You can't.

I can't get enough of it. The theme songs are hypnotic. The storyline SPEAKS to me, it really does. I eat dinner with these people, everyday now. They're my...BFFs. I share their pain, their debts, their cows and their marriage proposals.

If only life were that simple. Where every little issue is resolved in a 5 episode arc. I have resolved that in 2010 there will be 6 times more drama in my life. When I deliver a snide remark, I will say it thrice and turn my head around thrice for effect. And I will not step out of the house without bells tied at the end of my braid. I resolve to find a bride for murugesan and a house for ambujam maami. I will make my producers proud with the TRPs I receive. Ok, the last one sounded a bit off. But I will try to do these things. Maybe by june, I can get people to sponsor me. Needless to say, I am delirious with excitement.

And now I lay me down to sleep. Suprabhatham at 5 am. 'night.

New year, old feeling.

2010-01-01T19:10:00.003+05:30

2010.

The only thing I thought about was that we couldn't have those glasses in the shape of the year we're in. And it depressed me to some extent.

I'm feeling weird and nostalgic. And I'm not even old enough to be nostalgic. This blows. Like when you have nothing to do and the white light in your room bounces off every book and every shelf and gives it a dirty, old, used look. I want something new. It's the new year and I have nothing new.

I WANT CHANGE DAMMIT.

This city is so nauseatingly reflective of aforementioned bedroom phenomenon. I go to the beach and I can see a 7 year old in a saree attempting to cycle through traffic while on the other side of the road, literally and metaphorically, my peers stand around bored with their own androgynous, promiscuous, loud selves.

It makes me feel sick. I want something different.

Customary New Year Post

2009-12-31T17:27:00.001+05:30

2009. Sucked.

Except for some people. And you know who you are.

The End. Now get lost.

In my life, why do I smile at people who I'd much rather kick in the eye?

2009-12-25T22:19:00.003+05:30

I'm nearly 18. I feel old. Sometimes, I have trouble understanding chat spk. It's a horrible feeling. And social networking's just making it all worse.

I can't do it anymore. The fake smiles and the liking and the loling. Speaking of which, I wish there was a like button in real life.

Scenario #1 : semi-aquaintance who has just decided you are his new best friend wants to know what you think of his new haircut/outfit/sunglasses/scab/pet parrot. So much unpleasantness can be avoided if I could just like it. Like it and just shut up, but NO. In a situation like this, it's hard for me to keep the words down and that's one semi-aquaintance who'll hate my guts forever because I expressed an honest, albeit thoroughly nasty, opinion.

But I digress, so how do I keep my friends close and the people I've "accepted" to show universal love and kindness at a safe distance, that's close to them and far from me?

This is killing my ability to...well...bitch. I'm forced to be polite. Anathema. It's killing me from the inside out. I'm under duress to like things I don't want to like. Screw them if they want to like my stuff, I have no guilt over THAT. But being nice and civil in company is just something I'm not good at. Anyone suggesting that this new friend addition/acceptance fad will make me a better person is going to be hung by the thumbs. Each time I like something I detest, a shiver runs down my spine and the little voice is screaming at me to stop.

And I can't. Slave to society that I am, I can't. They can leave me bleeding with a smile on my face. Because let's face the cold, hard truth - I can't quit. I'll sulk, whine and moan about it but I can't bring myself up to say it, do it, delete it.

Curse this old age.

Coin Operated Boy.

2009-12-02T03:27:00.000+05:30

I know someone. He's a special someone. He makes me scrabble for reasons why I'm with him and when I attempt to, I know exactly why I am. When the weight of my teenage angst threatens to bury me, he's always around with something to say that is so grossly inappropriate it makes me laugh. The sun shines brighter and everything is put in perspective. And I listen for references to us in every song I hear. And I find them and it makes so much sense. When he leaves ME at a loss for words, yeah that's pretty damn special.

Yes, I'll admit-I'm a fool for you.
Because you are mine, I'll walk the line.

You know who you are.

Crazy as a square circle

2009-01-21T23:03:00.001+05:30

In 2004, I was 12. And annoying. And I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to throttle my 12 year old self. I'm not even going to bother defending myself. God knows how many times I've tried.

How did I come to this? Well back in 2004, it was all the rage to have an msn space. Ridiculous concept really. A blog, photo journal, contact hub for your msn friends. To me, it was the coolest thing on earth. I spent half my life on the place. Embarassing, really. But I did. And with a cringeworthy title ("I like reindeer") I started to blog, ladies and gentleman. 6 years ago almost, was when I first started to spread bad humour and painfully long descriptions of my day into the world wide web. Microscopic bit of pride is moistening my eyes as I read through what msn has carefully preserved over time. A sample, then.

July 12
Run to the hills and hide the bananas!!
Well...

I'm mad.. really..really mad!

Just at everything... dunno why really...

Odd.. I'm rambling again! Don't care. maybe I should do something about it... Maybe I WON'T!!

** sigh** I'm contradicting myself in the same sentence... I can see the headline now :
" Dementia strikes Nidhi at the tender age of 12! Read all about her pathetic life! "

While most children her age preffered to be with their friends and have a good time, Nidhi was always the one who went unnoticed, who chose to hide behind non-existent trees.

Bastards... I just want to be cheered up!

School was mucky aswell... It's official. I'm Stupid.

Well that certainly doesn't stop them from temporarily (until I feel better , I mean) discontinuing their social lives as a sign that they ACTUALLY CARE! But no.

Everyone has a friend to talk to, to play hangman with , and perform other mind-numbing but sorta essential activities

Imaginary friend's pretty boring actually... Don't wanna sound mean but, wouldn't hurt to find out if I'm okay... a simple " I'll get you a mega-huge bar of choccie would" suffice.

It really would... really would.

WHAT. THE. FUCK. Look at the spelling mistakes. Everytime school gets "mucky" and life gets boring, "dunno" I'm going to read this and pat myself on the back for not growing up to be a complete freak. And for that I have myself to thank. Now that this is out of the way, the ghost of nidhi past will quit haunting me. Now that everyone is aware of what a retarded little monkey I was, we can move on to darker humour, dirtier jokes and more swearing. The blog is dead, long live this one. And now I lay me own to sleep, because sifting through those memories gave me a migraine.